4 Ideas for the Newly Single on Surviving New Year's Eve Love Sex 0

By Samantha Scholfield, BounceBack.com Dating Expert

New Year's Eve: A night of pressure to do something cool, pressure to have someone to kiss, and pressure to have a good time. The expectations we place on ourselves to do those three things with gusto often end up making NYE into a stress-bomb of epic proportions. And besides that, what do we do when we're newly single and all we feel like doing is hiding in our apartment with our cat and watching the ball drop on all the crazy people brave enough to hang out in the sub-zero temperature of Times Square? Here are five ideas for making NYE 2010 as low-pressure and as enjoyable as possible when we're fresh out of a breakup.

1) F*** it and stay in. Besides having to listen to all of the "OMG, the party I went to was sooooo awesome. You totally should have come!" comments for the first two weeks of January, ringing in the new year with a close friend or two, the cat, a bottle of champagne (or two) and the flat screen is a perfectly acceptable alternative to the huge and often over-priced parties your other friends are attending. Plus, if you don't feel like going out, you don't have to — break-ups are tough to begin with, and NYE can be a tough night, regardless of how long it's been since your last relationship (or even if you're in a relationship). So F*** it — stay in and veto the parties.

2) Have an Anti-NYE Party. Part of what makes NYE stressful is the aforementioned pressure to rage for a night. If that's not you or you just don't feel like it, put the feelers out to see if anyone else is feeling the same way (and there will most certainly be takers.) A low-key get-together with close friends, with no pressure to "party like it's 1999", can be a great alternative to both staying in and ignoring the night and forcing yourself into attending a huge party. Make everyone bring something to drink and something to eat, and there'll be nothing for you to worry about as the host/ess. Bonus: Give it a costume theme like ninjas versus zombies, and you'll be sure to have a good time.

3) If you want to go out, bring single friends. If the gigantic party calls to you but you don't want to get stuck sans a kissing partner at midnight, plan ahead and bring a bunch of single friends with you. Make sure that everyone meets in a pre-determined location at 10 minutes to midnight and then, at midnight, have a group hug/kiss.This takes the pressure away from either having to find a hot stranger or having to watch everyone around you make out when the clock strikes 12. Plus, you'll make everyone around you jealous of your happy cuddle-fest.

4) Mingle, mingle, mingle. NYE parties attract couples and groups of single friends alike, and so it's relatively easy to find other singles at a large party. Even if you're not ready to start dating again, it can be a fun challenge to bring an outgoing friend and talk to as many people as you can at the party. If you need a reason to talk to people, make up a series of "survey" questions to get the conversations started: "Hi - my friend and I are doing an informal survey. What's your favorite NYE memory?" You never know whom you might meet and interesting, fun and random conversations are guaranteed.

New Year's Eve can be a blast if we remove our expectations about what we think we should be doing -- something that's especially true for immediately after a break-up when we're still a bit raw and memory-filled. NYE is a night to celebrate the new and enjoy good company, so instead of focusing on the should, let's focus on what we want to do and what will make us happiest and vow to make this NYE as action-packed with new, fun-with-great-friend memories as possible.

Samantha Scholfield is a writer, dating coach and author of Screw Cupid: The Sassy Girl's Guide to Picking Up Hot Guys. Billed as a "considerably hipper author" than The Rules, she can usually be found writing about sex, love and relationships in the ubiquitous coffee shops of Seattle. www.screwcupidthebook.com.

A Real Guy Tells: How To Get Out Of The Dating Rut Love Sex 0

Snap out of it! Advice from a real guy to real men and women on how to move on!

- Colby Brin, BettyConfidential.com

"Your brain is all f-ckin’ discombobulated man…You're not comfortable in your Larry shell right now. You've got to become another motherf-cker right now, Larry. Grow a moustache, man. Grow a goatee, moustache, grow some sideburns. Become another motherf-cker, man. You feel me?"

-Leon, to Larry, after the latter’s wife leaves him, on "Curb Your Enthusiasm"

Whenever I’m suffering through the lonely slings of a breakup, or the confidence-piercing arrows of a dating rut, I think of the quote above. Really, there are only two things that are scientifically proven to nurse a broken or floundering human heart back to peak performance: time, and straight Kentucky bourbon. But when you’re in pain, the watch hands seem to stop in their tracks, and unless you’re confident we’re going to be able to harvest fresh organs in test tubes in the near future, you probably don’t want to throw your liver under the bus just yet. So while you’re waiting out the clock, take up these arms against the sea of sorrow.

1. Change your look: Like Leon says, you’re not comfortable in your shell right now. I’m not implying that you have low self-esteem – though you might--or that you’re not good enough just as you are – though I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, you might not be. I’m saying if you keep your body and style status quo at a time like this, you’re not giving your eyes the visual cues they need to help you rebound. After all, seeing is believing:

a. Change your hair: If it’s long, cut it short. If it’s short, grow it out. If you’re balding, shave it off. If it’s dark, get some highlights, or even some bleach. If it’s light, dye it black. It’s your hair. It’s meant to be tinkered with. Free your hair, and I predict a trickle-down effect on your mind. Free your mind, and the rest will follow.

Read How To Get Over A Holiday Breakup

b. Change your face: If you’re a chick, buy some new makeup. If you’re a guy, grow some facial hair, shave some facial hair, or buy some new makeup.

c. Change your body: Go to the gym. If you’re already going to the gym, go running or biking outside, or to a yoga class, or at least a new kickboxing class. If you’re a runner or a biker, go to a gym; be a little more social for chrissakes. If you don’t work out at all, do something in the way of moving your ass. You’ll start to look better and feel better simultaneously. The mind body connection is no joke: one hand washes the other (so to speak).

I’m not saying you have to re-invent yourself in the way of rejecting who you are. I’m saying you can embrace – and become more comfortable with – change. If only for now, while you’re hurting, try a different shell on for size, play a different role, see how it feels. You can always go back to your trademark dipsy-do hair, and your soul patch, and your love handles, later.

2. Ratchet down: I can’t stress this enough. When people feel rejected or ignored by the opposite sex (or the same sex; you know what I mean), they ratchet up the intensity of their emotions. You cast yourself as the star of a tragic melodrama that only you can see;, you get to feeling like the sky is falling; you become despondent, because without the constant approbation of a lover, your life is as meaningless as that of a fly on the wall of a McDonald’s bathroom in China. Chill out! Ratchet down! Buddy, you’re no Marc Antony. Honey, you ain’t Anna Karenina. Hell, you’re not even Bella Swan.

This is all to say, of course, that you’ll live. There’s not just one person out there for each of us. We are blessed with abundance on this earth. There really are, like, so many fish in the sea, and you’ll come upon one of them soon enough. But, if you skulk around like the walking dead, you won’t get the next fish when the time comes, cause you’ll look like sh-t. You can’t change what’s happened, but you can control how you react to it. Ratchet down. Take it in stride.

Read The 20 Best Guys of 2010

3. Don’t put off happiness: A lot of the time, we put off going after things we want because we’re waiting for something else to fall into place first. Many of us do this with relationships. We say, ‘I want to take a cooking class,’ or ‘I want to learn to play guitar,’ or ‘I want to move to Micronesia to cultivate white truffles’ – ‘but first I have to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Because if I waste time on the other thing, I’ll be old and wrinkly when I’m done and no one will want me.’ But this line of reasoning ignores three crucial realities: for one thing, while you’re looking or waiting for something to materialize, it never does (especially love); two, no one wants you right now anyway, so you might as well pick up a skill or two; and three, there are no truffles in Micronesia, of any color!

Joseph Campbell said, ‘Follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.’ If you want to learn the guitar, learn the bloody guitar. Don’t put off your own happiness! And don’t wait for some long-haired lad or lass to come along to take music lessons with you, so you can morph into Jack and Meg White together. Become Jack on your own, and your Meg will find you. Ike and Tina didn’t become musicians together; they already were talented musicians when they met.

Wait – maybe strike that last example.

4. Hold a cabinet meeting: I’m the last person to rely on the advice of my friends; God love them, but they’re a gaggle of barely functioning freaks. Yet they do know me. And when I’m in a rut and can’t see the forest for the trees, they can be a big help. In fact, often times people who have trouble managing their own lives give the best advice, because they’re so exquisitely familiar with difficult situations. At the very least, it helps to have a set of ears on which you may unburden your sorrows.

If they’re doing their job, however, once you’ve expunged enough of your saline sorrows, they’ll tell you to Ratchet Down.

5. Tie one on: Ultimately alcohol is a depressant, but in the immediate future, it’s a freaking panacea. Unless you have serious problems with booze, don’t be ashamed to paint the town red and forget your troubles in a birdbath-sized watermelon cosmo or an oak cask of well-aged, premium Kentucky snake poison. Don’t make a habit of it, but if, for one night, you can summon the liquid courage to say, ‘To hell with [Him or Her], I only have one life, and I’m not gonna stop living it!’ then I say go for it.

Just make sure you work it off in the morning.

Why Men Move On So Fast After Breakups Love Sex 0

Struggling to make it through December? Love trouble ruining your Christmas and promising a sad-and-lonely New Year's Eve? Let Ask Dad sing some sweet carols and "Auld Lang Syne" to your frozen heart. Tell me your troubles.

Why do men move on so fast after a breakup? I had a recent breakup from a seven-year relationship, and my ex was in a new one just two months later and was married within two years while I was still mourning. Why didn't he take time to get to know himself as a single man?

More from The Stir: Dumping Someone Can Get You Sued

First, know that this is not a universal male thing. Many of us need months, even years of playing sad drunken songs on dark bar jukeboxes, wandering a dirty apartment with a bare, chicken-wing stained chest, and many, many viewings of many, many sci-fi trilogies before we dream of another real relationship. (That's what you meant by getting to know yourself as a single man, right?)

And there are plenty of ladies who have barely put the period at the end of "it's not you it's me" before they're getting freaky on the dance floor with some wax-chested hunk of manmeat.

But I think your situation is the norm. And I think I know why. It's mostly a mommy thing.

As I said in my thinking-about-sex post a few weeks back, many men think of women as medicine. When they're ailing, be it physical, mental, emotional, or nautical, the thing that sounds best is a nice conversation with a nice new lady. Ideally at 2 a.m. in a motel room.

After my last big breakup a much older, much-more-manly man told me, "Distractions are a good thing. And the best distractions wear skirts." After months of wondering where I could find Buffalo wings and video games with skirts on, I realized he was talking about women.?

More from The Stir: Shania Twain Engaged Thanks to a Spouse Swap!

That's most likely just what your man was doing: seeking distractions with skirts, or mom jeans, or jeggings, depending on his taste in ladies. So I wouldn't look at his quick rebound as a sign that he got over it quicker than you. The new lady is his way of dealing with it. It could even be that the hurt ran so deep that he had to immediately cover it with a cute Hello Kitty Band-Aid and vow to never rip the little lady off. And his relatively quick marriage either means he's so afraid of his own mind that he doesn't want to look into it even briefly, or he's simply found the perfect woman-medicine, and he's addicted. Sometimes it's the person, not the circumstances.

The flip side of this is that for a lot of ladies like yourself, the very thought of romance sounds awful when you're feeling down, and you want to wait until you've had a complete emotional makeover before you even started poking around at Match.com. This is the more sensible, responsible path of course, but maybe you should take a little from men, it might be liberating. Seek out some distractions with shirts. Or without them.

Image via Flickr/Jesslee Cuizon

Do Man Crushes Really Exist? Love Sex 0

Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do straight guys ever have innocent “crushes” on other guys, like girls sometimes do with other girls?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author ofSwish): I don’t understand straight men anymore. Apparently the biggest change in answers to sexuality surveys in the last ten years has been in the number of straight guys who say, well, if I had a beer or two in me, and if he was attractive enough, sure, I’d go for him. The man who says this is a creature who didn’t exist when I was growing up. So I’m just flummoxed by the whole thing.

But if we’re talking about utterly Platonic feelings — like, you just super-admire the guy and want to spend time around him — then I guess sure. But still I’d put my money on some identity issue. Like, he displays some trait that you feel you lack, and being around him makes you feel like you have it. Or maybe you’re secretly gay and you just want him to f--- your brains out.

As I say, I’m flummoxed by the whole thing.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s common. I don’t think men always think of it in terms of “crushes,” but you see it often enough. Often it’s not obvious either to the man with the crush or to the man he’s got a crush for, even though it can be pretty obvious to other.

I don’t have a lot else to say about it except that, historically, innocent “man crushes” were perfectly acceptable. In ancient times it was commonly believed that passionate love could onlyexist between men. More recently, Abraham Lincoln’s very affectionate letters to his best friend and frequent roommate, Joshua Speed, were recently used to suggest Lincoln must have been gay. They might have been, but in keeping with the times (when campaigning politicians frequently found themselves literal backwoods boarding-house bedfellows with their opponents on literal, backwoods campaign trails), it’s even more likely their crushes were passionate but “innocent.”

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): Nope. We may admire or envy some guy for doing something awesome, but straight guys don’t have man crushes. Even with close friends, we never share clothes or call each other “BFF.” No guy understands how women can have those crazy close friendships, and we don’t even understand why women find men attractive — to straight guys, men are about as sexually appealing as a bathroom rug.

But I do think that a lot of guys have some latent homosexuality, and they probably have all sorts of feelings that I don’t have. Yesterday I saw a frat guy getting something out of his trunk, and when he leaned over his buddy pretended to bugger him, complete with hip thrusts, hand waving, and face gestures. That’s just gay.

She Said/He Said: The Chore Wars Love Sex 0

By Michelle Yarn, GalTime.com

Let me just start by saying I love my husband dearly. We've been a couple for eight years and married for almost three. It still feels like we're newlyweds and I wouldn't trade married life for anything. We really don't have big blowout fights very often. I can probably count our major arguments on one hand. But we certainly aren't perfect and we bicker like any other couple. So I'm just going to throw this out there — a recent argument I had with the hubby got me thinking. Men, I want you to give me the honest truth (especially since the web gives you the power of anonymity.) And ladies, I want to know if this stuff happens in your relationship as well.

Oh, and for the sake of fairness, I’ve given my husband the chance to chime in.

Related: Signs You're With a Mama's Boy

SHE SAID:

The main problem behind our argument is a pretty common one for couples — household duties. My hubby is pretty good about helping out around the house. But it drives me nuts that it's usually only done halfway. For example, doing laundry usually means putting the load in the wash and then forgetting it there until it gets that "smell" and has to be washed again when I find it a few days later. Or if the clothes do make it to the dryer, they then sit in the dryer for days until they're completely wrinkled and have to be dried again and then folded (the worst part, right?!) by me. Doing the dishes usually means filling up the sink with soapy water and leaving all the dishes in it to "soak"... for days! When he empties the dishwasher, I always know because half of the pots and pans and random kitchen accessories are still sitting on the counter top for me to put away. Making the bed usually consists of just throwing all the pillows on the bed and spreading out the comforter (whether it's sideways, upside down, or the sheets are still crumpled and twisted underneath.)

My husband cooks the best breakfasts. Bacon, eggs, and English muffins galore. But if the bacon grease is flying all over the counters and burning him and I simply say, "Hey there are grease covers in the drawer under the oven," he gets upset because I'm "telling him what to do and always pointing out what he does wrong." Funny, because in my head I'm only trying to help because I know he doesn't know where most of our kitchen stuff is (since he leaves it all out on the counters instead of putting it away.)

Now I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Wow, what a nag," but from my perspective I just don't see the point in starting these things if they aren't going to be finished. It will often times just create more work and take more time correcting/finishing for him. Also, I'm not one of those super anal retentive people. Honestly, I'm not! I just like a clean home. I usually let all these things go unnoticed, because if I try to help or suggest easier options it makes him defensive. There’s really no malice behind any of it!

Related: What Married Guys REALLY Talk About

HE SAID:

First off, thanks to my wife for letting me tell my side of the story here. I agree with everything she wrote about me above. I have forgotten laundry and I make a bit of a mess when I cook, and frankly I am less organized and a little more absent minded than my beautiful wife.

But let’s get to the discussion last night as you read above. I do not do as many household duties these days and one of the main reasons why is I am frustrated with hearing that when I do help out, I am doing something wrong.

Here are some examples. It drives me nuts to be sitting there folding laundry with my wife only to be shown the “correct” or “best” way to do it. I mean, to me, I honestly don’t care if the T-shirt is even folded in the first place. I am making the effort to fold because I know she does not like me cramming my own clothes in a drawer… even though we have separate dressers. So, when we do fold, now I try and only fold my stuff, because I’m sure she is just going to re-do hers anyway.

I leave pots and pans on the counter now because she is the one who can never find where I put them when she goes to cook something. So, I leave it on the counter to avoid being asked, “Why would you put that there?!”

I don’t spend too much time making the bed look nice for a few reasons, 1.) We're going to mess it up sleeping in it in a few hours anyway and 2.) I don’t know how to set up the pillows correctly ("Along Came Polly" anyone?).

I just feel like it’s a double edged sword. I’m screwed when I do help because I am going to hear some way I did it wrong and double screwed when I don’t help at all. I’d just like to say that any comments left in my favor will be awarded 10 bazillion dollars.

*** *** *** *** ***

In the end, I really don't care how he folds the clothes, I'd just like to see them folded and put away every now and then! And really, we only have a few cabinets; you would know where a pan goes by simply opening a few of the cabinet doors. When you see other pans, you've found your spot! Also, I couldn't care less what order the pillows are in on the bed. It would just be nice to see them at the head of the bed, in any order!

To me, it just seems like he uses the "I don't want to do it wrong" as an excuse not to do it at all. I feel like the only time I complain or say anything is when I'm frustrated because it's not done. Yet he says it's not done because I will always complain or say something. It's a vicious cycle people!

In the grand scheme of things I know this isn't an earth shattering problem to have. I actually consider us a lucky couple since this is seriously the worst thing going on in our relationship. But it's been on my mind and I'm thinking I can't be the only woman with this going on. So, help me out here:

Ladies, do you have issues similar to these? Have you and your partner worked out a solution? And men, what's the deal here? In all honesty, are you not doing things because you think it will be done incorrectly (and you care so much that they're done right you'd rather leave it alone all together?) Or is this just an easy out from the household chores?

The Worst Celeb Breakups of 2010 Love Sex 0

Is it just us, or did Hollywood couples drop like flies this year? Many of these splits still have us reeling, while some we saw coming from a mile away (we're looking at you, Kim and Reggie). Check out the pictures below!

By Kelly Thore

Read more at Cosmopolitan.com!

• 8 Things Men Notice About You Instantly
• 10 Things You Don't Know About Kissing
• 30 Sexy Things to Do Before Sex
• Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig
• How to Decode His Body Language

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Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds

You know it's a rough relationship year in Tinsletown when we have to give a couple props for splitting up after they fell out of love rather than cheating on each other.

Can Jealousy Really Destroy A Relationship, Like It May Have Done For Scarlett & Ryan? Love Sex 0

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Scarlett was reportedly insecure over Ryan's relationship with his The Proposal co-star Sandra Bullock. Did she let her jealousy get the best of her?

Wouldn't you hope that when you finally say 'I do', all relationship insecurity would just melt away? Unfortunately, according to a new report, Scarlett Johansson's inner green-eyed monster actually intensified over the course of her two-year marriage to Ryan Reynolds. In fact, it may even have been the reason behind their split!

A new story says that Scarlett was uncomfortable with her husband's too-close-for-comfort relationship with his The Proposal co-star Sandra Bullock. Besides their typically "touchy-feely" behavior, Ryan was also with Sandra in LA while his wife was hosting SNL in NYC -- not a cool move.

Although the story suggests Ryan may have had deeper feelings for Sandy than he was letting on, if Scarlett DID feel that way she was letting her personal insecurities run rampant. For one, let's not forget that Sandra ALSO went through a difficult divorce this year. If she and Ryan really were as close as they appeared (men and women CAN have platonic, non-sexual relationships, people!) then it would be natural that she might turn to him for consolation, and vice versa.

If he's hanging out with Sandy post-separation announcement in her current hometown of Austin, Texas, it's probably to get away from prying eyes and wagging tongues in the company of a pal who's been there, done that and currently wearing the battle scars.

Jealousy CAN ruin your relationship. If you don't trust a completely trust-worthy partner, then it's your issue, and your burden to deal with. Don't make up scenarios in your head -- or you and your man really will be over before you know it.

Has jealousy ever destroyed one of your relationships, HollywoodLifers? Was it on your end or his? Tell us your story below!

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Couple Who Left Spouses Give Love a Bad Name Love Sex 0

Reading the wedding announcements in the Sunday New York Times usually leaves me with a warm fuzzy feeling. Especially reading the stories that sound like true love and love found the second time around after being widowed or divorced.

There was no warm fuzzy feeling after I read the story of Carol Anne Riddell and John Partilla, two people formerly married to others who met in their children’s pre-kindergarten classroom. The four adults became fast friends, socializing together and even taking their combined five children on family vacations together.

More from The Stir: Why Divorce Is the New Marriage

But then Ms. Riddell and Mr. Partilla fell in love, confessed their love for each other, left their spouses, moved in together, and got married.

Oh, and then told the world their love story. At the expense of not just their former spouses but of their five children, who even if they can't read now, will be able to read this story for eternity thanks to the magic of the Internet.

I’m not going to comment on what happened between them that led up to their nuptials. I’m divorced and remarried. I understand what it’s like to be unhappily married. My chronology was a little different. I was unhappy, got divorced, met my second husband, dated him for three years, and then married him joining our combined three kids to make a "blended" family.

Okay, well I might comment on just this part: the Vows column quotes Ms. Riddell as saying that they didn’t have an affair. After confessing their love to each other, they each went straight to their respective spouses and told them the truth.

And while Ms. Riddell and Mr. Partilla should be commended for not stripping down to nothing and jumping each other's bones before telling their spouses, they did have an affair. It’s called an emotional affair and it starts when you begin telling someone else, of the opposite sex, all of the things, good and bad, that you should be sharing with your husband.

More from The Stir: Why Men Move On So Fast After Breakups

But truly, I think the big (huge) faux pas the happy couple made is shouting it out to the world in The New York Times. Why publicly brag and boast about your love, making statements as the one that Mr. Partilla did that "I didn't believe in the word soulmate before, but now I do"? Or that Ms. Riddell did when she said that their feelings were "unconditional and all-encompassing."

What about the privacy and feelings of not just their ex-spouses but also of their children? Why was being in The New York Times more important than the needs of the others involved? Ego, pure joy, or just plain selfishness? We'll never know.

I do believe in true love. Maybe true love is really what they have. And I don't want to be a doom and gloomer but even in the best of circumstances, like mine, blending a family is not easy. So, I won't go so far as toasting the happy couple but I will wish them the best of luck. They’re going to need it.

The Top Love Songs of 2010 Love Sex 0

We could say something like, "2010 was another great year in music, and the stars were out in full-force to infiltrate the airwaves with hit love songs that we couldn't stop listening to..." That might work, but we'll save you the melodrama and just get to the list.

Here are the 11 songs that have been setting our collective hearts aflutter for the past twelve months, in case you managed to get them out of your head in the first place.

"Baby" by Justin Bieber. Yes, J-Biebs. The kid literally took over the world this year. His face was on every television screen, computer monitor and copy of Tiger Beat magazine. And our guilty pleasure was listening to him sing about love scorned. "Are we an item?/Girl, quit playin'/We're just friends?/What are you sayin'?" We couldn't help but feel bad for Justin. It's not like we've ever been in those shoes, though. Duh. Selena Gomez & Justin Bieber Share Pancakes Together, Maybe More

"Mine" by Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift does sing-your-heart-out love tunes better than anyone, and "Mine" was perfect. We love hearing her break-up anthems, bleeding ballads and revenge songs, but we do occasionally like to be happy, too. The story about young love on this track made us swoon a little. Too sweet.

"Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars. We all get a little insecure sometimes, and that's probably why this song dominated the charts this year. Bruno basically told us (and his lady love) what we knew all along: That we're amazing just the way we are. The reminder is always appreciated.

"Mama's Song" by Carrie Underwood. Carrie got married! It was a big year for our girl, but we're ecstatic she had time to croon about Mr. Right on this tear-jerking tune. (Tears of joy, friends.) "He is good, so good/He treats your little girl like a real man should." That's all we'll ever ask for. We're happy Carrie's found it. No Pregnancy Plans For Carrie Underwood...Yet

"Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem featuring Rihanna. A love song gone bad, this track chronicled the downfall two people in one very toxic situation. Em managed to capture the horrific emotion of an abusive relationship, while also creating a cool rhythm with his raps and RiRi's crooning on the chorus. All that angst? We couldn't stop listening.

"Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. "You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream/The way you turn me on, I can't sleep." The song exploded onto the charts this year, which seemed pretty apt. We sort of get the feeling Mrs. Russell Brand is living her very own teenage dream right this very instant, don't you? Katy Perry Takes Russell Brand’s Name

"OMG" by Usher. Usher used this text acronym to croon his way into our hearts this summer. We spent those blistering months with the windows rolled down, reciting "Oh my gosh/I'm so in love/I found you finally/You make me wanna say 'O-O-O...'" And we didn't even feel ridiculous doing it. OK, maybe a little.

"Hey, Soul Sister" by Train. This was hands-down the best love song for lifting moods. It has that stellar dance-worthy beat. The lyrics spoke to how a person can absolutely captivate you. "I'm so obsessed/My heart is 'bout to beat/Right out my untrimmed chest." We get the meaning.

"Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz. This song frustrated the heck out of us. We didn't really get why Taio made up his mind from the beginning that he was going to be an anti-compromising, selfish heartbreaker. Ugh. We keep telling ourselves it's only a (quite catchy) song.

"Your Love Is My Drug" by Ke$ha. This one's just another single about the hopeless addiction that love sometimes is. However, the Queen of Trashy-Glam just sang it so well. "I'm all strung-out/My heart is fried/I just can't get you/Off my mind." We loved it. Love Is An Addiction, Breakup Like Withdrawal

"Telephone" by Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce. Haven't we all been there? Out with the girls, and some guy just won't leave you alone. Gaga and Beyonce reminded us that needy men are never attractive. Actually, there is one exception: When you can pen a chart-topping hit single about their behavior. Then, all is forgiven.

What was your favorite love song of 2010?

Arranged Marriages -- Here, Now in the USA? Love Sex 0

Parental approval matters more to some than it does to others, and as we get older, it probably changes. When I was a teenager, I couldn't have cared less what my father thought of my boyfriends (and he mostly wasn't fond), but as I got older, it did start to matter, especially as I started to think about marriage.

My father to this day will often launch into tirades against one man I dated very seriously in college and I typically ignore him, remembering how smart he was to keep that disapproval to himself when it mattered. Because what is the quickest way to make a teenage girl looooove a boy? Tell her that her parents hate him!

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Consider the recent case in Germany where a father disapproved so much of his 17-year-old daughter's relationship with a 57-year-old man that he castrated him. OK, so my dad wasn't that crazy, but there is nothing wrong with a dad (or mom) wanting the best for their child (and not wanting her to be with a creepy old man).

Some parents have unrealistic expectations, of course. If he must be the same religion, have at least a master's, earn more than $100K at 25, and be highly ambitious, then mom and dad are not leaving a lot of wiggle room. After all, people grow and change and the qualities that a man (or woman) possesses at 24 are likely not exactly the same ones he or she will possess in 10 years.

Of course wanting your daughter to be with a kind, age-appropriate man who will be faithful and be a good dad isn't really that much to ask. But do you trust your parents to make that decision?

My father, for instance, would likely only be suitably impressed with a man just like him -- ambitious, well-educated, successful, passionate about his work, same religion (but not actually religious), politically active on the right (actually left) side, able to think outside the box, and highly intelligent. But because I grew up looking up to my dad, that is pretty much what I looked for anyway, minus a couple things (like religion).

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Sure I went through my fair share of men who were nothing like that, but in the end, I chose a man who matched those values closely -- and was kind and loyal, to boot! My dad was wise to keep his trap shut. After all, arranged marriage in the US is not all that common among native born Americans. We usually pick our own spouses.

Parents need to hang back and trust that you instilled your children with the values to pick a mate that makes sense. Because the second you come down too hard (castration? Seriously?), you have already lost the battle.

A Real Guy Tells: Why Your Date Didn't Work Out Love Sex 0

What mistakes scare away potential suitors?

- Hunt Ethridge, BettyConfidential.com

My, my, my how time flies! Here we are at the end of another year and another decade. Hopefully this year was better than the last. Or as my favorite toast goes, “May the best of your past be the worst of your future!” As you lovely and glorious ladies march onward into the two-thousand-teens, let’s take some time to reflect upon what may not have gone so well in the past and what we can do to have you OWN these next few years!

Read A Guy Tells Find Your Holiday Hottie

Now, having a wonderful mother that raised me right (black shoes go with a black belt) I was brought up learning that men make lots of mistakes in dating. The trick is to catch them before they come too ingrained. I still make ‘em but I have managed to cull them to a controllable quantity.

To me, women are the greatest creation on the face of this planet. A smile from a beautiful girl can make all your worries just wash away. However, this is not to say that they are infallible. They are human also and are subject to the same forces, foibles and foolishness that men are. So ladies, in the spirit of the holidays and goodwill towards all, here are some reasons that your dates may not have worked out.

Did you unknowingly bully or emasculate him? Men, we like to lead. We want to show you that we’re strong and can get things done. That’s not to say we’re always effective at it, we just like to think we are. Whether you are a C-level executive or a personal assistant we know you can probably manage your life, your boss’s life and 3 other coworkers and friends’ lives without missing a beat. You might meet a wonderful musician that has trouble remembering what day it is. However if you start trying to take over the planning of the date or begin working over the maitre d’ to get a better table, we won’t look on it fondly.

With women working in many high powered, high demand jobs we don’t look at you like shrinking violets anymore. But even though you know you could do a better job, leave it to us. I write for a fashion mag, but do you think I’m ever going to give my lady advice on what to wear?

What is your passion? Everyone wants to meet interesting people. What makes you interesting? I understand that a lot of the beginning dates are the “getting to know you” type. Just make sure you also talk about what gets you excited. I am passionate about fishing and writing, among other things. They may not be things that your date can join you on (“No baby, you attach the leader before the hook.”)

Read Don't Be A Holiday Don't

However, we want to know what drives you. It may be knitting, it may be extreme sports or collecting Garbage Pail Kid cards. It doesn’t matter. When you talk about what inspires you, you come alive. Your face lights up, you lean forward, you get animated. It also lets us know that you have soul. I once dated a girl and when asked that question couldn’t come up with one thing she was passionate about. It was a big turn off. You may think your little inane hobby is silly but knowing something enlivens you enlivens us.

It’s okay to blur the truth a bit but don’t lead us in under false pretenses. In the age of internet dating I know a lot of us are gun-shy about actually going out on a date with someone for fear that they misrepresented themselves. I hear horror story after horror story about people that meet their date and they are nothing like their pictures or profiles.

Everyone fudges a bit. That’s called life. I say I’m 6 foot tall when I’m actually 5’11 ¾” and 175 when I’m around 183. But when people start adding 3, 4 inches, dropping 15 – 20 lbs and their profile picture is 10 years old, then we have a problem. Ladies, whatever you look like, someone out there is looking just for you. We all want to find our lobster or green unicorn or what have you. The more you disguise yourself, the less chance you are going to find someone to get serious with. And it’s not like we’re not going to notice it when we meet you. Keep the little white lies ladies, but don’t misrepresent yourself.

Are you scaring away potential suitors by publicly airing your dating woes? I know that we all love to trade stories about our dates from hell and by no means stop! Just be aware of your audience. If you are constantly talking about the last loser you went out with every time you’re out with your group of friends, you may be shooting yourself in the foot.

If you have a friend or friend of a friend that has been harboring a secret crush on you, all that dating talk is going to make him skittish about asking you out. He’ll imagine that if it doesn’t work out, you may be soon telling stories about him. This is not only for in-person, be careful what you post on Facebook or elsewhere. Posts like “D8 last night sucked. H8 this crap” aren’t going to endear you to a possible future flame. Again, he’s going to see your post and have nightmares about you posting about all of his flaws to your hundreds of friends turning him into a dating pariah.

Of course we all know the other main ones like being nice to the staff, engaging his friends, giving him eye contact, etc… I just wanted to touch on a few that you might not be aware of. With the unseasonable cold and dreary days, now is a great time to find a hibernation companion. Maybe you’ll find him this New Year’s! Add this li’l list in the back of your mind, keep being the wonderful women you are and have a great and joyous holiday season! See you in 2011!

Marriage, Holiday Stress and Personality Conflicts Love Sex 0

Rex and I are expecting almost 20 people for Christmas Eve dinner. We've already prepped most of the food. But the various personalities gathered around the table? Ummm.. we're not quite as prepared. After all, Chinese egg rolls can be quickly forgotten when the Italian bouillabaisse soup is served, but it's not as easy for Democrats on one side of our farm table to digest digs from Republicans on the other side. Tension, like too much Chianti, can quickly feel acidic.

While deciding on mango salsa vs. olive tapenade at Costco today, I leaned over the cart and gave Rex my opinion on navigating some pretty drastic personalites. "Babe... this Christmas Eve... we need a personality game plan."

I could see the look of terror/slash confusion/slash "Are you friggin' insane" daze in his eyes. It was the same cloud that descended when I told him, after a bad bout of flu, that I wanted to try for a third baby.

"Can't we just get everyone lit?" he responded, at the same time throwing bacon and blue cheese pinwills into the cart. (A surprising choice from the usually non-spontaneous Rex. I think he was trying to get me off my game. It wasn't going to work.)

"Honey," I said. "People can drink all they want. But we still need a mantra. You know... so there's no hurt feelings when I accidentally let it slip that your great Aunt Pearl has the tact of a dusty floor mat."

"Too late! You let it slip!" he remarked. "And I'd be insulted if I didn't agree."

He took a breath... the same kind of deep exhale that accompanies both defeat and the knowlege that he, indeed, would be paying for this enormous Costco bill. "I get your point. We are dealing with a lot of different people. We'll do the mantra."

He kissed me. He then very sweetly added, "I totally trust you."

"So that third kid?" I winked.

"No chance in hell," he remarked before inhaling enough lobster spread samples to feed our 20 person Christmas Eve table.

Perhaps you're like me. Perhaps you need a game plan for the different folk that will be joining you this holiday season? To help me navigate the often tricky world of family relations, I turned a writer friend of mine, Kate Hanley.

"The irony about spending time with the people you know and love the best is that they also know how to push your buttons the most," she said. And she should know. She's the author of The Anywhere, Anytime Chill Guide - a handy book designed to keep one balanced throughout any occasion.

She came up with four simple remedies to steer couples through family holiday drama. She drew her sources from meditation, yoga, and acupressure. "Although no one thing can magically transform your family relationships, these tips can help you be more relaxed, less stressed, and less likely to get snippy with the people you love."

I'd tell you them all today, but then you'd have nothing to tune in for on Wednesday! So... hang on to your hats and glasses. Think about your upcoming family event, and come up with a mantra to get you through. For now, ours is: "Eat, drink and laugh!" After all, does everything have to be so serious? No it does not. The only thing serious Rex and I want to do this Christmas Eve is bet on when his Italian father is going to drag out the after dinner liquor, pound his fist on the table, and scream, "Streggggggggggggga!" We look forward to it all year.

So tell me - what are your tips for dealing with various personalities without offending your spouse?

Straight Talk: “Do gay people change their names when they get married?” Love Sex 0

Q. I live in Massachusetts where gay marriage is legal and I’m confused as to how gays and lesbians decide what family name to go by. I know it’s only been a couple of years since gay marriage became legal but is there a “new” tradition?

A: Certainly, the predominant custom to date for same-sex couples is for each to keep his or her name, but this is by no means always the case. There are actually a number of other choices open to us, too – none of which I imagine will shock you.

By the way, it’s worth noting that when a lesbian or gay couple does make a name change (or two), it has little to do with the type of religious or civil ceremony they choose -- or whether or not the marriage is legal in the eyes of the government. If anything, it reflects a couple’s views on the symbolic component of a family name, which is to say their public identity.

Here are the four basic options available:

1. No change: Frank Roberts and Mack Stasio simply stay Frank Roberts and Mack Stasio. With no patriarchal default and no weight of history or tradition, this is what most same-sex couples choose to do. The downside is that you don’t have the instant family identity that sharing a surname confers.

2. Hyphenate names: A dual last name proclaims publicly that you have merged into a family unit. Giselle Ullman and Jeanne Basile become Giselle and Jeanne Ullman-Basile (or Basile-Ullman). There’s no rule as to whose name goes first; most couples make the decision based on how the new name sounds to them.

3. One partner takes the other’s name: Some gay couples opt to choose between their family names. For instance, Ariel Sexton and Arturo Gomez might become Ariel and Arturo Gomez. This is an especially good option when kids are involved.

4. Choose a brand-new name: Creating a new last name by combining family names is a viable option and not that uncommon. It generally involves more legal work for the couple, not to mention a little extra effort from friends and family to remember.

Now, to answer the question you didn’t ask: How do you know what name they will go by? If it’s not clear from their stationery, a newspaper wedding announcement or if they haven’t said anything, don’t be shy, ask!

Why Was My Fiance's Ex at My Wedding? At the Altar! Love Sex 0

wedding

You've heard the old adage: keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I'll do you one better. I keep my friends close and his ex-girlfriends closer. So close, in fact, that my husband's first girlfriend was the maid of honor in my wedding.

Ten years after the wedding, it's a story that still raises eyebrows. "You what? She what?" And so I launch into the story. I moved to my husband's town just two months before our wedding, and got a job at the local newspaper. Day one on the job, I met a woman about my age, and we laughed the morning away. Then I went home for lunch.

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"I met this girl," I told my fiance. "She seems nice. Maybe you know her?" Then he dropped the bomb. "Remember that girl I told you I dated my senior year? That's her." She wasn't what I pictured. When I first heard he dated some girl named Elena, I'd had a picture of a voluptuous Russian girl with blond hair and a fur coat in my brain. Yes, I let my imagination run away with me. I'm a writer. That's what I do.

They lived in southern Virginia where people would probably yank out a gun if they saw a fur coat. And it turned out her name was actually Alaina. She was dark haired, dark eyed, and skinny as a rail, and when I returned from lunch still mulling over this new twist, she pulled me aside and said we had to talk.

"If we're going to be friends," she said, "I have to tell you something." You can guess what came next. The fact that both were easy, open, and honest about it practically begged me to take her up on the offer of friendship. That and the fact that I knew absolutely no one in town -- least of all a girlfriend to talk to.

Fast forward two months, and we were planning our wedding at warp speed in part because the priest who had agreed to marry us had learned we were "living in sin" and wanted to end that little bit of evil as soon as he could. I was eight hours from my hometown, my best friend couldn't come to the wedding, and I had no one to help me ... except Alaina. She threw herself into helping me make table decorations and crafting bouquets from silk flowers. And when I asked her to stand up on the altar to see her one time boyfriend say "I do," she said, "I will."

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It was that simple. Or maybe not.

It was simple for us because their time together happened in high school. He was older, he left for college, and that was that. There was no complicated romance, no love triangle. And for the record, no, they never slept together.

I wonder at times if that would have even mattered. I'm not just the type to let her imagination run away with her. I'm nosy. Uber nosy. And I was marrying a guy I'd been dating mostly long distance, who grew up in a town I'd just moved to. He's a quiet, reserved guy, not the type to tell tall tales of his childhood. This being before the days of Facebook, I had no access to thousands of tagged photos to walk me through his youthful indiscretions, no easy access to old classmates. And his guy friends were of no help. "What? He, you know, hung out," they told me. Yeah, him and every other guy in America. They "hung out." I needed dirt, and I needed someone who had no qualms about giggling over the silly stuff.

Ex-girlfriends tend to bring out the jealous streak that we all have -- not women but human beings. We're afraid of getting too close to them and finding in them something better than what we have. I don't look at it that way. That she is an ex means I've already won. He chose me. He thinks I'm "better." It helps that I'm not the jealous type. In 10 years of marriage, there has been just one woman who made me nervous. And I can't help but blame a portion of the jealousy on the fact that I was pregnant, the size of a house, and raging with hormones.

What an ex-girlfriend can offer us is a look at our guy before he met us, insight into who he is and why he is that way. And when he drives is a little nutty, there's no one better to commiserate. Are you friends with his ex?

Do Check Your Husband's Text Messages like Eva Longoria, Don't Make A Sex Tape Like Kendra: The Big Relationship Do's & Don'ts Of 2010! Love Sex 0

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2010 was the year of the break-up, be it public or private, and here are just a few of the lessons learned from celebs like Sandra, Tiger, Eva and others!

If nothing else, 2010 seemed to be the year of the celebrity break-up and affair! Couples including Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, and Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher were just a few of the celebs who had to deal with reports of infidelity and relationship troubles.

Some of these scorned women handled the situation with grace and reserve while others went all out seeking revenge against their spouses and the other woman. Check out some of the dos and don'ts learned from these celeb break-ups and affairs!

DOS!

• Do take the high road and not respond to any of your husband's mistresses like the always classy Sandra Bullock!
• Do check your husbands text messages if you feel he is having an affair like Eva Longoria and Elin Nordegren!
• Do get revenge on lousy exes in your music like Taylor Swift!
• Do get a great prenup like Elin!
• Do make your children your first priority like Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman!
• Do avoid speaking to the media like Courteney Cox!
• Do try and stay out of your boyfriend and their ex's drama like Ashley Greene!
• Do text your husband's mistress to get to the bottom of things like Elin!
• Do keep it fresh with sexy online dates like Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett!
• Do always speak highly of your ex like Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron!
• Do keep it professional at work post break-up like Blake Lively and Penn Badgley!
• Do have eyes only for each other like Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart!

DON'TS

• Don't make a sex tape like Kendra and Danielle Staub. Ever.
• Don't confront your husband's alleged mistress in a parking lot like Eva Longoria!
• Don't use being the" other woman "as a stepping stone to your career like all of Tiger Woods and Jesse James' walking dumpsters!
• Don't beat up your partner or spouse like Amber Portwood -- especially on film.
• Don't spend long stretches away from your partner like most every Hollywood couple!
• Don't wrong your girlfriend like John Mayor did -- especially if she's a singer like Taylor Swift!
• Don't text your mistress or leave a trail allegedly like Ashton Kutcher!
• Don't dish all the details about your split like David Arquette!
• Don't bring your new girlfriend and old girlfriend together like Joe Jonas did to Demi Lovato and Ashley Greene!
• Don't over share your PDA on Twitter like Ashton and Demi Moore!
• Don't engage in a whirlwind showmance that coincidentally ends when your movie promotion does like Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler!
• Don't attack your ex on the Internet like Tammy Lynn Michaels!
• Don't endure career separations. Schedule your work so you, your partner and kids can be together like Brad and Angelina.

-Chris Spargo

Judge Lynn Toler's Guide to Divorcing Through The Holidays Love Sex 0

The holidays can be a difficult time for families with divorced parents. There can be a lot of stress on everyone involved even with the best of co-parenting arrangements. But what if you aren't divorced yet? Divorce Court's Judge Lynn Toler gives us tips on how to survive the holidays while in the process of divorcing.

The holidays can be a difficult time for families with divorced parents as you determine when and where and on what days the kids will spend with mom and dad. There still can be a lot of stress on everyone involved even with the best of co-parenting arrangements. But what if you aren't divorced yet? Maybe just separated. Maybe even still living in the same house! How do you survive the stress of the holidays while in the process of divorcing?

Presiding judge on television's, Divorce Court (and a Hybrid Mom), Judge Lynn Toler, provides her expert tips on how to keep the holidays as happy as possible.

What Happens When Your Man Disappoints You?

Comply With Orders In Place
Chances are, if you are already in the process of divorcing and/or are separated, you have already put in place some legal orders on co-parenting. "Don’t let emotional issues you have over the holidays prompt you not to comply with any court ordered visitation," says Toler. "The specter of failing to follow a court order will follow you into any final determination the court makes about custody."

Communicate
"Even if you have to do it through a third party due to the acrimony in the divorce, discuss potential issues before they arise." Get the arguments and the animosity out of the way before Santa comes down the chimney and definitely do it outside the presence of your children.

Get Your Mind Right
You are in control of your own actions and the right attitude…a positive attitude can make a big difference in how everything goes. Judge Toler urges you to "put this on your refrigerator if you have to: I love my kids more than I hate my ex. Let me do the right thing."

Top 8 Things that Will Ruin Your Relationship

Get The Right Support
"You have all kinds of people around you, including friends and family. Among them there are those who escalate and agitate and those that are calming and more objective. Better to lean on the latter as opposed to the former."

Remember that this festive time is supposed to be all about family and fun...not your impending divorce. While it very well may be the focus of your attention, it should not dominate and be the center of everyone elses. Keep Judge Toler's tips in mind, behave yourself (after all, Santa is watching), and the holidays will be happy.

Life & Love Are Messy, Deal With It 0

Can we really be happy for a couple who left their spouses and broke up two families in order to be together?

That is the question last week's "Vows" feature in The New York Times asked us to answer. Carol Anne Riddell and John Partilla met while both were still married to others. They fell in love. And last week, that love was the feature of the weekly column the Style Section runs every Sunday. People across the country were outraged.

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The comments section erupted:

It is a messy and at the same time unnecessary, pompous, selfish story that is ironically in the "vows" section of the Times.

Yes, this couple is selfish. It's as simple as that. My father once told me that it is best not to get to close to another couple as it can often leads to something. Many people know this already.

Wow... go ahead and put their announcement in the paper but to feature them? irresponsible to the respective spouses involved. I have NO idea why they were featured. I don't see what's so brave about their actions at all.

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To be sure, it was an odd decision to publicly declare their love when it happened in a way that likely devastated two families. And because there were children involved, it was probably a bad choice to have it featured.

Still, this is love. Like it or not, love is messy and it isn't always a pretty picture you tie up with a bow and call it a day. Life isn't a Hallmark card or a Precious Moments doll and, quite frankly, that is what makes it delicious. Would you really want a love life that's more cheesy cliche than reality?

Their decision to publicly declare their love in the paper of record is highly questionable given the number of people likely hurt by their love -- ex-spouses, children, and ex-in-laws -- but the Times' decision to feature it makes sense. If they want to show modern love with all its truths and pains and foibles, then this is it.

There is not a love affair out there where someone somewhere didn't get hurt on some level. People fall in love when they're in relationships and sometimes even married. We have to work hard to keep our marriages strong and not allow them to be vulnerable to penetration. Like it or not, that takes two people.

Stepping outside of our comfort zones and longing for something more when we're unhappy isn't only normal, it's what makes us human. It takes a certain level of bravery to endure the judgement and scorn that will most certainly follow.

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Ever heard the expression "all's fair in love and war"? It is a cliche for a reason.

Was it right to flaunt their romance? (Especially given how unhappy the children look in the photo The New York Times featured... ) Maybe not. But it was real. It was messy. It was life. We need to get over our judgements and accept that some people make choices we might not make and it isn't our place to tell them they're wrong, wish them ill, or publicly mock and scorn them.

7 Ways Guys Try To Act Aloof & Mysterious 0

The most frustrating girl advice is: "act like you don't care."

How (and why) should I act like I don't care about someone that I'm interested in?

I can understand the rationale. I'm attracted to women that are gloriously unavailable.

It is this aloofness that I strive to master. I can't seem to get the mix right: I'm either not aloof enough or (when I try to be aloof) I look uninterested.

In addition to creating "a chase," aloofness creates mystery. The person might wonder, just who is Rich Santos (even though it's clear I'm just a dumb guy who likes the Ravens, Ramen, and chicken tenders...and sleep).

My main weakness is my tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve and remain honest with my affection and intentions.

Here are some aloofness tactics I've tried:

Sending Mixed Signals

One moment, I'll be affectionate, totally paying attention to you. The next minute, I'll be a little distant.

Sending mixed signals is a timeless tactic employed by both genders. Not only does it create a riddle for the other person to solve, but giving little tastes of good vibes, mixed with a confusing vibe intrigues people.

The Classic Ignore

This one is quite immature and can be downright mean, but sometimes you just have to do it.

You don't have to be that obnoxious, but making the person long for your attention by makes it that much better for them when you actually give them that attention later on (once you've decided the punishment has gone long enough).

Walking in to a party and talking to everyone but her, not going right over to her right away, keeps her in check and makes it look like I've got a lot going on.

Surrounding Myself with a Crowd

Holding court the middle of an impenetrable circle of cool, attractive people is intimidating, but effective. Your person of interest will want to be part of the circle. It's especially magnetic if you can keep the crowd laughing and nodding in agreement, like a politician on the campaign trail.

Putting Down Your Cool Things

Due to the fact that women like jerks, when I put down something she thinks is really cool, I have success.

I am always telling women how much I hate Lady Gaga when they trump her up, and I once told a girl she'd "never make it in New York," while she was bragging about her plans. A few weeks later, we were hooking up. I guess putting all that stuff down makes me look too cool for school.

Making Myself Look Busy

Sometimes when I text a girl that I can't meet her because of "cool social engagement A, B, or C," I'm doing so lying in bed in boxers watching Lifeteime movies before passing out. It's all about creating the image. If you use this tactic, remember not to leave a Facebook status trail saying that you're actually staying in and watching bad movies.

Sharing Occasional Deep Thoughts - AKA The Starving Artist

The occasional deep/tortured thought makes me look so distant and emotionally unavailable. Who doesn't want to try to solve that riddle?

Limiting My Attempts

After she's blown enough chances, I move on. It makes it look like I've got more going on.

I wish I didn't have to fake aloofness. It's part of the game. It's immature to employ these games, but it's also immature for men and women to be attracted to aloof people.

Shouldn't it be as simple as trying to spend time with someone you like, showing that you're available for them because they are special? I've been burned too many times doing this-perhaps it's boring because I'm "too easy".

Or maybe I'm supposed to be aloof until we are dating/committed- at which point I'll start getting in trouble for being too aloof.

Do you find it more attractive when a guy is aloof, and what do you think of my tactics above? Do you try to act aloof with guys? Why do you think aloofness is attractive-is it the thrill of the chase, or the mystery and their independent appearance?