Privacy Policy 0

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Ask The Monogamy Doctor: Live Q&A love sex 0

Why did he cheat on me?

Do I have to get married?

Is it okay to engage in a "Friends With Benefits" relationship?

This is your chance to ask your love and relationship questions to a premier expert on monogamy. Dr. Marianne Brandon will be answering questions live on Thursday, January 20 at 3:30 pm EST, 12:30 pm PST on genConnect.com.

In addition to the live Q & A, participants can enjoy a fun video conversation, where Dr. Brandon addresses the rising trend of "Friends With Benefits" relationships - as seen in the upcoming Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher movie "No Strings Attached." In the video, she is joined by Dr. Alan Altman, President of the International Society for Women's Sexual Health. Hosted by Plum TV's Ramona Bruland, you'll discover why more people are opting for casual hookups rather than committed, monogamous relationships.

Click here to be brought to where the live chat takes place Thursday - and where you can watch the video now. You need to be a registered genConnect member to be invited to upcoming parties. Questions? Email for more details: events@genConnect.com.

Dr. Marianne Brandon is a clinical psychologist and Diplomat in sex therapy through AASECT. Dr. Brandon is Director of Wellminds Wellbodies LLC in Annapolis, Maryland. She is author of Monogamy: The Untold Story and co-author with Dr. Andrew Goldstein of Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido.



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More on this hot topic:

Down On Love? How To Change Your Negative Thinking love sex 0

Positive thinking isn't something we're born knowing how to do. As we grow into adults, we often learn to expect negative outcomes as a means of protection. As Alisa Bowman, YourTango Expert & author of Project: Happily Ever After, says below: both negative and positive thinking are self-fulfilling prophecies. In relationships, it's easy to fall into a routine of negative expectations, but if it's a positive outcome we're after, it's time to ditch the negative and start practicing positive thinking.

Being positive takes practice.
First, identify the dominant theme of your negative thoughts. For example, "men/women don't respect me," "I am not lovable," "nothing is ever good enough," etc. You will notice when your partner or love interest does something you dislike such as being distant, the theme emerges. You may immediately hear a flood of thinking about not being good enough, which leads to emotions and actions that create disharmony in the relationship.

To stop the pattern, create new supportive beliefs such as "I am good enough," "I am smart," etc. and find a way to get these new ideas to get into your subconscious. 6 Dead-End Dating Patterns—And How To Change Them

Daily hypnosis or meditation can get you to naturally think more positive. You will notice people and events that mirror your new supportive thoughts. If your partner or new love interest seems distant, you won't personalize their actions. You won't project neediness or insecurities, but self-love and joy. If you are single, you will attract more loving partners. If you are married, your partner will seem to magically appreciate you more. All great relationships are formed from the inside out.

—Debi Berndt, Therapist/Coach

What's the point of a positive outlook, anyway?
Think about who you would rather spend time with—the Dali Lama or Bill O' Reilly? I'm guessing, regardless of your religion—it's the Dali Lama, and it's because he's so soothing, calm, easy going and happy. Happy people are contagious. So are sad people. What contagion would you rather catch? For me, it's happiness.

Happy people cause us to feel good about them and about ourselves. They also allow us to feel safe. They create a sense of hope and opportunity. They instill confidence. Think about who you would trust for advice. Would you trust a sulky sad person or a bright happy one? You'd trust the happy person because the happy person seems to have stumbled over some elusive secret.

Study after study has linked positive thinking with happiness and peace of mind. These studies have been done all over the world and on all types of people. They've been conducted by psychologists on people who struggle with depression. They've been conducted by researchers on Buddhist monks who cultivate a happy state of mind as part of their religious practice. The results are all quite consistent—the regular practice of positive thinking leads to happiness and peace of mind.

When you see the world through a negative lens, you react differently to the world. You are more drawn in. You appear colder. You don't smile as much. You don't give as much. You become reserved. You are more fearful—so you protect yourself by keeping things private and by not taking risks. You create your own misery. Negativity is a self-fulfilling prophecy that feeds itself.

When you see the world through a positive lens, you smile more. You are warmer. You embrace people. You are more giving. You are more considerate and selfless. You are less fearful, so you take more risks. You do things that draw others to you. People respond to your positivity by feeling positive about you. Positivity is a self-fulfilling prophecy that feeds itself and creates happiness and peace of mind.

—Alisa Bowman, Relationship Coach

Can I rewire my negative thoughts about love?
Our brains are designed to search for patterns, particularly when it comes to avoiding pain and seeking pleasure. This works well when we eat at a restaurant, get sick and quickly understand that we shouldn't go back there again. It's a terrible strategy for avoiding pain in seeking a mate or in dealing with conflicts within a relationship: you have an unpleasant fight with your husband about sex/money/time and thereafter you avoid speaking up about your needs even again? Sounds like a recipe for a disaster!

Here's how to counteract our pain avoidance tendencies and intervene in your mind to make sure it doesn't dampen your chances:

1. The negative experience happens.
For example: you go out on a date, have too much good wine, have sex on the first date and he never calls back.

2. The feelings arise.
You're disappointed. You liked him and wanted it to work. Feel disappointed. Feel upset. For as long as you need to. But don't draw any conclusions. Just feel. (It's harder than you think!)

3. Make meaning of the experience.
Instead of concluding that you shouldn't drink on dates or have sex too soon or that men are dogs or that you are doomed to singledom forever, decide consciously on an explanation that helps you to feel like there are still possibilities. For example: "He isn't for me. I'll find someone who makes me feel great." You may not believe it at first but it's important to separate the emotion from the interpretations of events. A negative interpretation lead to avoidance or any number of self-protective behaviors like not smiling or complaining a lot. 10 Things Men Love About Women

4. Take follow-up action.
It's important to get back out there and be open again to dating or having another tough conversation with your spouse)

—Nicolle Zapien, Therapist/Coach

This is a post from YourTango's 31-Day Love Life Makeover Challenge, happening now through February 14 at YourTango.com. Find out more here.

Top 4 Signs You’re Dating a Commitment-Phobe love sex 0

By GalTime Dating Diva, Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.

Have you spent too long trying to make Mr. Wrong fall in love with you? You know the guy- the one you’re always pursuing because he forever seems to be just out of reach.

Sadly, many singles squander away time pursuing a relationship that has no future, when they could be busy finding real love. But the drama of being on an emotional roller coaster with a Commitment-Phobe can be a tad addicting, luring you in with juicy highs, and the hope that maybe underneath it all he could be The One.

So, how can you tell when you’re wasting your time? When the guy you’re dating has no intention of committing to you?

The bottom line is that when two people really like each other, they automatically enact the Principle of Equal Investment. In other words, both partners invest equal amounts of time, energy, and emotion.

Check out these tell-tale signs that his investment isn’t up to par, as well as what to do about it.

1. YOU ALWAYS REACH OUT FIRST

If you’re always beating him to an email, text, or call- then you’re extending more effort. If you waited to reach out, would it be a few days, a week, 2 weeks before you heard from him? You better find out!

SOLUTION: Give Him Space

The more you pursue a commitment-phobe, the more they withdraw. So, wait for him to make contact first. When he does reach out, don’t jump to connect- take your time returning his message.

Related: How Do I Know If I'm In a Committed Relationship?

2. HE MAKES LAST MINUTE PLANS

A commitment-phobe likes to keep his options open, so he typically only initiates plans with you at the last minute. Sure, he might agree to something you’ve planned sooner- but he won’t make that move himself.

SOLUTION: Make Your Own Plans

When you have a full life of fun, you’ll be less needy and more attractive. So make your own plans with friends and never change them just to be with him. If he really wants to spend time with you, he’ll learn to schedule time sooner. Let him pursue you.

Related: A Woman Proposing to a Man: Ridiculous or Modern?

3. YOU'RE AN OUTSIDER TO HIS WORLD

When a guy isn’t ready to commit, he’ll keep you separate from his world of work, friends, and family. If you’ve been dating more than 6 weeks and haven’t met anyone important to him yet, he’s clearly unsure if you belong in his life.

SOLUTION: Invite Yourself In

When he does call, say you’d love to meet his friends. Offer to set up a friendly group date- with some of your friends and his. When a guy really wants to be with you, he’ll want to show you off! If he balks- it’s a sign he’s not right for you.

Related: Everyday Guy: Why Men Are Afraid of Commitment

4. YOU'RE SKATING ON THE SUPERFICIAL SURFACE

Does your man still feel like a stranger? That’s because this guy isn’t ready to invite you into his inner life. If you have to pry his deeper thoughts and feelings out of him, then he’s not choosing to connect on an authentic level.

SOLUTION: Share Your Vision

When two people click, it’s natural for them to talk about their vision for the future- their hopes, fears, and dreams for a better life. So bring up your own wishes, you don’t have to talk about the future of the relationship. If he doesn’t get engaged with this conversation, it’s a clear sign he’s not invested in you yet.

If after stepping back and trying these tips for up to a month, your guy still isn’t filling that space by connecting more deeply and regularly with you, then it’s time to move on to a guy who values you as much as you value them!

What do you think? Should people just 'get there' in their own time? Are there other red flags you should look for that it's time to turn and run?

How to Get Your Man to Open Up Love Sex 0

Is your lover hopeless when it comes to expressing his feelings? There are ways of persuading your man to open up ... though some signs are certainly trickier than others.

Easy signs first: The two best in touch with their feminine side are Cancer and Libra. Each is not only better adapted to understanding what you need in quiet moments, but will happily watch chick flicks with you! They really do empathize with your feelings and will say so. Sharing and caring is their thing.

Scorpio adores intense heart-to-hearts, so they may prod you to go deeper than you'd like at times. Still, in this way they're very much the exception among all Sun signs.

Being the sign of the burning heart, Leo men are good at expressing themselves -- at least early on in a relationship. That said, he'll talk about what he thinks and feels, rather than really grasping what the two of you need to share. Keep tapping into his warm center to ensure that he keeps his focus on your relationship.

Put yourself in a position to make the most of your relationship with a free sample Love For Two In the New Year Reading!


Early on in courtship, Pisces tends to be very poetic about his feelings, and even softly seductive. But as time wears on, he'll disappear into evasiveness when it comes to being pinned down. Try learning a few of his favorite love songs so you can quote one to him if you feel it fits his present state of heart -- if you do, you might just get a glimmer from him.

Virgo, Taurus and Capricorn may not quite grasp the point of deeply felt moments, as they're either being practical or wishing to indulge. The way to these signs' hearts is through their body; even workaholic Virgo and Capricorn can be slowed down if sufficiently tempted. Whether you'll ever persuade them to come clean about their feelings -- especially a private Taurus -- is another matter entirely.

Try our free sample Men: Unravel the Enigma Reading and discover the astrological influences that give men strength!


Gemini, Sagittarius and Aries can certainly talk about everything under the Sun -- except their innermost yearnings and vulnerabilities. They're interested in people and psychology, so if you can lure them into intimate conversation, you might just persuade them to reveal their true feelings.

And if you're dating an Aquarius, you didn't start doing so because he's an emotional creature! Quite the opposite, in fact: You adore his detachment, inquiring mind and ability to keep a clear head. Still, he's probably the most difficult sign to get to know when it comes to his emotions, so you'll have to kick off the conversation with the theory of love, then be cleverly persistent about moving the topic over to him.

Rev up your romance, discover your sensual strengths and find tempting times to pursue passion with a free sample Love Forecast!

Top 3 Clever Valentine's Day Gifts for Him Love Sex 0

Bad news guys: it’s already time to think about Valentine’s Day especially if you’re wanting to order something online. If you aren’ t the lovey- dovey type (I’m not really), Valentines Day can kind of annoyingly cheesy. Plus, many of the traditional gifts like flowers, chocolates, cologne are either geared towards woman or kind of predictable and boring. So what to do? How about something fun and clever? We’ve searched and rounded up our top 3 favorite clever gifts for him on etsy so you don’t have to!

Above: Mon Amour Coffee Stencil $10.00

Let's Make Out Pillow $89

Boombox iPhone Case $30


For more Valentine's Day Gifts for Him Visit Babble

7 Signs He Wants to Have Sex (Besides the Obvious One!) Love Sex 0

By Zoe Ruderman

Most guys are not shy about letting a woman know when they're ready for action. But men tell us all the time that there are few things hotter than a woman who initiates a hookup. So, learn to read his in-the-mood signals (in some cases, before he even realizes it), with the help of Janine Driver, author of You Say More Than You Think, and beat him to the punch.

1. He gets an "eye erection".
His pupils dilate, making the black part of the eye go from small to larger, something that happens when arousal spikes.

Related: 6 Surprising Facts You Don't Know About Men Today

2. He hooks his thumbs in his belt loops.

It's an attempt to highlight the crotchal region and get you thinking about his junk.

Related: 8 Hairstyles Men Love

3. He touches his nose a lot.

Unless he has a cold, this could be a sign since the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine recently reported that the nerves in a guy's nose and his erectile tissue are linked.

Related: Is Sex Making Him Sick?

4. He speaks more deeply than usual.

A 2010 study found that people lower the pitch of their voice when they're turned on.

5. He cups or rubs your shoulder.

This is often a subconscious simulation of grabbing some tata.

Related: Can a Relationship Work The Second Time Around?

6. He goes in for a hug and rests his hands low on your back.

It may not feel sexual, but if he lingers just above your ass, he could be craving, well, ass.

Related: Top 10 Things He Doesn't Want to Hear About Your Ex

7. He bites his lower lip and shakes his head.

Dudes who do this when they're talking to you may be feeling frisky.

How To Handle A Sick Spouse Love Sex 0

If you're like me, you're going to have to deal with a sick spouse at some point in your life. I'm talking down for the count, ill. As I type, that would describe me. I'm exhausted, tired and can barely walk without feeling like I have to sit back down again. Rather than figure Rex can read my mind, I told him exactly what I needed from him.

1. Don't expect a fancy dinner.

2. Please put the kids to bed for me. (Or at the very least direct traffic to the tooth washing/pee/pajama station until they are ready to read with their pathetic mama.

3. Stay on me about going to the doctor if this doesn't go away by Wednesday.

4. Gently remind me to back out of my oh-so-important engagements.

5. Bring me some chocolate, flowers and a big cup of decaf.

That last one? I didn't really ask for that. But it sure would encourage me to put him to bed when I'm finally out of mine. Wink wink.

Keeping the posts short this week. Here's to antibiotics working and fabulous spouses who support us when we're down! And don't forget to ask for what you need. Your husband might not be Dr. McDreamy, but last I checked, that dude is television character. For your very real, loveable husband, just be direct. He'll thank you for it.

Posted by Andrea Frazer

A Gal's Guide To Super Bowl XLV Love Sex 0

Even if you don't get a visceral thrill from the violent, steroidal ballet of professional football, you (and your relationship, if your partner's a sports fan) cannot escape the NFL playoffs and the month-long march to Super Bowl XLV on February 6.

Football has never been bigger. It's not just the most popular spectator sport in America, it's the hottest thing on all of television—eight of the top ten broadcasts in 2010 were NFL games. What, you ask, is all the fuss about? She Watches Sports While I Man The Kitchen

Well, plenty. If you can't tell the difference between a flea flicker and a play-action pass, there's still something to cheer for. Like any serialized television drama, the football season features a cast of characters, and you can enjoy the playoffs—and the season finale—if you learn something about the protagonists. It wouldn't be fair to judge The Sopranos by a single episode at the end of the final season; so, too, with the NFL.

The first thing to know is that any team still alive in January has already been through plenty of fall drama. The league's 32 teams are divided into two equal conferences—think of them as two tribes on Survivor—and the past few months have already determined which six teams from each conference will get to stay on the island for another challenge or two. They now enter an elimination bracket in which a defeat means the end of the season, while a victory takes them one step closer to the Super Bowl.

In the first round of the playoffs, the lower-ranked teams slug it out for the right to play the two top dogs from each conference, whose regular-season dominance won them the immunity of a first-round bye. The four teams who make it past Week 2 of the playoffs will be competing for a chance to go to the Super Bowl.

This year, the big event will be in Dallas, Texas at the brand new Cowboy Stadium—a monument to the local NFL team, the Dallas Cowboys, whom the locals love so much they actually voted to raise taxes in order to finance this $1.2 billion behemoth. Unfortunately for them, the Cowboys stink. But if you can't have a winning football team, then the next best thing is to have a tricked-out stadium, and this one has it all—capacity for more than 100,000 people, a retractable roof, and the largest high-def television screen in the world, which is itself about half the size of the field. (One wonders what Jorge Luis Borges would make of that!)

Ever since Justin Timberlake caused Janet Jackson's wardrobe to malfunction, the NFL has chosen over-the-hill classic rock acts for the half-time show—most recently, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, and The Who. This year, however, the NFL has thrown caution to the wind and enlisted the Black Eyed Peas. You can bet all 11,520 square feet of that HD video screen will be on Fergie's mind as she applies her makeup.

Finally, there is some political intrigue surrounding this Super Bowl. The event happens to fall on the birthday of Ronald Reagan, and the good ol' boys in Texas have cooked up a tribute to the messiah of modern conservatism. On the other side of the partisan divide, President Obama has agreed to sit down for a pre-game interview with Fox, which is broadcasting the game—a big deal in the political world, since the president has famously given the cold shoulder to the right-wing network. His interviewer? None other than the conservative firebrand Bill O'Reilly.

The main event, of course, is not the pre-game or half-time show but the commercials, which cost about $100,000 per second. You almost feel sorry for the players who make it to the big game—they're practically the only people in the world who won't be watching. 6 Things Men Should Know About Women

So which team's favored to win Super Bowl XLV, when it finally goes down on February 6, 2011? Betting odds favor the New England Patriots, team of star quarterback and the man lucky enough to call Gisele Bundchen his wife, Tom Brady.

Q&A with the hooker interventionist Love Sex 0

Annie Lobert will tell you how much she could make in one night as a Las Vegas escort: $10,000. How long she survived in the industry: 16 years. How she escaped: in a trunk. And how she kept coming back. But she won’t talk about certain requests from clients, especially the ones she agreed to. Several years ago, after what she calls a religious epiphany, she gave up the practice and formed an organization called Hookers 4 Jesus. It’s the kind of name that gets attention, which is the point. Lobert began infiltrating casinos, strip clubs, and detention centers trying to convince prostitutes to get out of the business. With the help of a local church, she founded Destiny House, a six-month boarding home and rehabilitation center for women escaping the business. Now Lobert and her organization are the subject of a new Investigation Discovery series, “Hookers: Saved on the Strip”. (Watch a Shine exclusive preview of tonight's episode above.) She talked to Shine about her new show and the life that led up to it.

You were introduced to prostitution during a vacation in Hawaii when businessmen propositioned you and a friend. And you were no stranger to escorting when you returned to Minnesota. But the Las Vegas world of escorting is another ballgame.

I just looked in the yellow pages and made a phone call to an escort service. I went with a girlfriend and we signed up together. But there are so many different ways people come to hooking. I knew a girl who was tricked into being a prostitute from one of her relatives. They told her she was going to have a good hostessing job if she moved to Las Vegas.

Instead many end up living in what you call "stables," where groups of women are over-lorded by a male pimp.

That's what they're called. Sometimes everyone lives together, sometimes they don't. Each girl has to pay her pimp or she gets a beat-down. It’s a trauma bond you continually go back to because it’s all you know.

Your first stable was with your boyfriend who moved with you to Vegas.

I met him at a strip club I was working at back home. He was kind to me and I fell in love with him. When we moved to Vegas together it changed. I went to work the very first night and when I got back, I got a beat down and he told me I work for him now. It sounds sick but I wanted to make him happy and I trusted in every penny I gave him. Then I saw other girls get hurt by him…I got hurt by him. When I tried to escape, I had to sneak out when he was sleeping in the middle of the night to the neighbors and ask them to hide me in the trunk of their car and drive me to my best friend's house. She helped me go to the hospital.

But you went back to him again.

I went back and the same thing happened.

Did you ever consider joining a legal brothel in another county?

No, I just never had a desire to. It’s not always safer. One of my friends died in a brothel. She was shot by a client. She had no protection. Also, I didn’t want to be in a line-up when they call you out for clients and you all have to lineup. It's like high school gym class. It's so embarrassing to not be picked first.

At Destiny House, you provide boarding and rehabilitation for six women for six-month periods. In a way it's a similar set up to a stable.

It is and it brings up a lot of issues. They have to learn how to have real relationships with other women and they end up having a lot of disagreements. They still think they're trying to off each other because that's how it is in a stable. It was so competitive. You were always trying to make more money than the other girls because it gives you kudos with your pimp. That causes dissention and physical violence. I've had girls pour bleach in shampoo because they’re jealous of another girl. A lot of girls set me up telling our pimp I was working with someone else. And I'd get a beat down. That happens to a lot of bottom girls.

What's a bottom girl?

Bottom girls have been with the pimp the longest. They have final say, they train the other girls. Sometimes they collect the money when the pimp goes out of town. But she gets hurt the most because she’s responsible for everyone. I was always the bottom girl.

It sort of reminds me of the show “Sister Wives” where four women are married to one man.

Yeah. In the pimping and pros world, we'd call each other 'wifies.' We all compete for love of our pimp. It's the same dynamic. I feel for those women on that show. Even though they say they’re happy, it's not fun. You can’t sleep at night, always competing for that love. That’s why I love being married to my husband.

Your husband, Oz, is a guitarist in the Christian rock band Stryper. You met through a friend after you started your organization. But I imagine you had to work through a lot of issues together.

We had premarital counseling with a pastor at my church. Now we’re doing really good.

He's actually in every episode of the series. How do the women in the house react to him?

The women love it — they love the example we set. It helps them feel they’ll find a man.

But the bigger challenge for them is finding a job.

We have legal experts who consult with our girls. For Regina, one woman in the series who was 14 when she started, we had someone help get her juvenile records sealed. We help with job training and help the women make a creative resume.

How do you get creative about prostitution on your resume?

It sounds funny, but a lot of times we recommend they go into sales. Because if you come from this job, you’ve had to deal with all different types of clients and you’ve got good social skills. So you can talk about how you've got experience dealing with all types of clientele. Even hard labor is something the job translates to. Prostitutes are not afraid to work. They’re not lazy. I tell them if you can sell your body to a man that disgusts you, you can do anything.

But I imagine strip clubs are an easier gig to land, and much more lucrative.

I tried to dissuade them from stripping because it led me back into sex. It’s a throwaway. You will meet a pimp in the club somewhere who will exploit you.

But there's also a question of money. A lot of women get into the practice to support their kids.

They also get out because of it. I have a lady named Stephanie. She called me up one night and said 'I can't take it anymore, come get me.' She kept looking at her daughter and said she realized she didn’t want her to become a prostitute. Now she has a job at a hotel and never went back.

Can women bring their kids to Destiny House?

The children can live in destiny house up to five years old. But after that, they're old enough to know too much about what goes on. We have to be careful. A child won't be in any meetings or counseling. What we’re trying to do is prevent it from being a generational problem.

Your New Year's Sex Resolutions Love Sex 0

4 To Dos For Your Sex Life in 2011.

- Amber Madison, BettyConfidential.com

It’s that time of the year again. Wrapping up the best of 2010, the worst of 2010, and deciding what it is we’ll do better in 2011. And as a “sexpert” I have to ask that while you’re making your new year’s to do lists, that you make space for some sexual goals as well. Here are your 2011 Sex Resolutions:

1. Take Charge of Your Sexual Pleasure
So much of our sex life can be wrapped up in a guy’s satisfaction. Do I look hot on top? Oh man, did my bikini waxer get my butt crack? Should I fake an orgasm so that he doesn’t feel bad? Should I fake an orgasm so that he’ll finish already and I can go on with my life? This year, pledge to take charge of your sexual pleasure and make it a priority. If you’re not having regular orgasms when you have sex show your guy what he can do to make them happen more often. If you’re not having orgasms at all, spend some time getting to know your body on your own without the pressure of your partner (that’s right ladies, I’m telling you to masturbate). And if you’re still having trouble, perhaps consider enlisting the help of a mechanical friend.

Read 25 Ways to Meet a Guy This Holiday Season

2. Take Charge of Your Sexual Health
I know, I know, this one is a Debbie downer. But unfortunately, sex isn’t all fun and games. Stay on top of your sexual health by getting regular pap-smears, screened for STDs, and take the plunge and get an HIV test too (yes, it’s terrifying, but you really do want to know). If you haven’t gotten the HPV vaccine yet, ask your doctor about it, and see if it makes sense for you. And if you don’t already have a regular method of contraception you like, talk with your doctor about that, too. These days you have a million options: the ring, the patch, the pill, the rod, the T….seriously, something for everybody.

Buy condoms.

Actually use them.

Remember that while doing the responsible thing may suck at the time, it always pays off in the long run.

3. Take Charge of Your Relationships.
Your relationship mantra should be this: If he doesn’t make me feel good, I’m dumping him. Don’t waste your time waiting around for phone calls, dealing with a guy who’s hot and cold, who won’t fully commit, or settling in a relationship where you don’t feel adored. This year, cut off the deadwood. Cliché yes, but there really are a lot of fish in the sea. Cut your ties with the toxic guys from your past, and cast your net back in to find ones who are better.

Read Cradle-Robbin' and Losing Their Virginity: What We Learned About Men in December

4. After Your Mistakes, Do Something
New Year's resolutions are made to broken. Yes, you will stuff your face with pizza, binge on sweets, spend too much money, and eventually break most of the other things you vowed not to do in 2011. It’s human to make mistakes. But what matters most is what you do afterwards. If you hook up with a guy on your no-no list, instead of beating yourself up about it the next day, do something proactive, and delete him from your phone. If you have unprotected sex, or the condom slipped off, don’t just freak out about it, get emergency contraception, because the sooner you take it, the better it works. Take 15 minutes out of your day, go to a drug store and buy Plan B One-Step™. Assuming you’re over 16, you don’t even need a prescription.

It’s never too late to make a responsible choice once you’ve made an irresponsible one. Usually the road to better choices starts with forgiving yourself for your less-than-better ones. So here’s to 2011, and all the new opportunities it will bring. May you be happy, healthy, and having great sex with someone you love—even if that someone is yourself.

Amber Madison is a sex educator and author of Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality, and Talking Sex With Your Kids. You can check out Amber's website at www.ambermadisononline.com.

Biggest A-Holes of the Decade Love Sex 0

From Mel Gibson to Bernie Madoff to Chris Brown—how’s a gal to choose which fella is the worst? We did it for you!

- Carolyn French, BettyConfidential.com

We are all guilty of rifling through the latest tabloid whilst loading our weekly essentials onto the conveyor belt. C’mon, admit it: A little trip down Tacky Lane practically makes up for the mind-numbing deed that we call grocery shopping. Reading about the worst dressed, the broken marriages and the lonely singles never gets old.

Read 10 Reasons Why John Mayer Should Stop. Talking. Now.

Because we know that you derive enjoyment from these sordid little rundowns (just as we do), we have put together a list of the top tool-bags of the decade.

Ready to get your guilty on? Let’s go!

10. Chris Brown

R&B superstar Rihanna was flawlessly beautiful until boyfriend at the time, Chris Brown, got a hold of her. A photo of RiRi’s badly beaten face surfaced shortly after the felony assault took place, and young girls everywhere quickly realized that the “Diagnosed With Love” singer was a wolf in sensitive-boy clothing.

9. Joe Francis

It would be easy to hate on the Girls Gone Wild king simply because he hit the jackpot by convincing drunk women to remove their clothing. But no, we can also despise the man for his child abuse conviction and the accusation that he raped an 18-year-old virgin (you can read the woman’s horrifying testimony here).

8. Jesse James

It’s one thing to cheat on America’s sweetheart, but it’s quite another to destroy a beautiful union for a romp with a piece of trash. Was Michelle "Bombshell" McGee really worth losing the gorgeous and gifted Sandra Bullock? Don’t even get us started on the whole white supremacy thing.

Read Kat Von D, What Do You Think You're Doing With Jesse James?

7. Bernie Madoff

Money laundering, securities fraud, investment advisor fraud, perjury, making false filings with the SEC, false statements, mail fraud, wire fraud, and so on and so forth. The Ponzi scheme extraordinaire who will spend the rest of his life behind bars swindled thousands of hard working citizens out of billions of dollars. There’s despicable, and then there’s Madoff.

6. John Mayer

“Your Body Is A Wonderland” … that he plans to use and lose. Ol’ Johnny Boy had a great thing going for years. The ladies worshipped him, and the men folk wanted to be him (if only for a night). We have a suggestion for Mr. Nail and Bail since the wool has officially been removed from our eyes: drop the guitar and give movies a go! It’s obvious that you’re a phenomenal actor.

5. Jon Gosselin

If you give a Jon a reality show, he’s going to want some drama. If you give a Jon some drama, he’s going to want to party. If you give a Jon a party, he’s going to want an extramarital hookup. If you give a Jon an extramarital hookup, he’s going to want a new car and a bachelor pad and a pair of pants big enough to support his fat, arrogant ass.

4. Mel Gibson

It is ironic that a misogynistic egomaniac that allegedly assaulted his baby mama once starred in a romantic gem called What Women Want. We really miss the days of yore. Have you been able to enjoy any of Mel’s big hits in recent months? We sure haven’t.

Read Why Mel Gibson Got Fired

3. Tiger Woods

When The National Enquirer broke the news that the golf champ was screwing around on his now ex-wife, we couldn’t believe our ears. Tiger seemed like such a decent guy! And then another mistress came forward, and another, and another, and another, and…good grief!

2. Christian Bale

Rule of thumb: when being paid millions of dollars to headline a flick, do NOT turn around and slam the oh-so-taxing promo tours and apparently debilitating sit-downs with big meanie journalists. If Bale isn’t careful, he may Katherine Heigl his way out of a job!

1. John Edwards

I have a brilliant idea! I’m going to cheat on my cancer-stricken wife who did nothing but love and care for me, and then I’m going to father an illegitimate baby with a total bimbo! Ugh, we have no words.

Tell us: Which of these a-holes angers you the most?

Carolyn French is an assistant editor at BettyConfidential.

Unlike Scarlett & Ryan, Should You Give A Marriage More Than 2 Years To Make It Work? Love Sex 0

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are calling it quits just two years after tying the knot. Did they give their marriage a fair shot?

Although it seems as if the genetically blessed duo of Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds should just be settling into married life after saying 'I do' two years ago, instead, they've announced their separation. Should they have tried harder to make their marriage work?

PHOTOS:6 Reasons Why ‘Glee’ Is Going Downhill Fast — And How To Fix It!

Let me say this straight away: I have never been married. I do not know the particulars of what occurs behind closed doors in a relationship where both partners wear a ring. But I do know this: everything in life worth having takes work and time.

Ryan and Scarlett may have rushed getting engaged -- doing so after only a year of dating -- and it appears that they're employing a similar haste in ending their marriage. Two years is NOT an eternity.

However, word on the street is that Scarlett wanted out, and has for awhile. Plus, who can forget how she barely remembered to thank her hubby (who happens to be one of the most lusted after men in the world, PS) when she won her Tony in June?

PHOTOS: Hey Taylor Swift Fans! Check Out FIRST PHOTOS Of Her New Campaign for COVERGIRL!

Do I think they should have given their marriage more time to work? Absolutely. But do I think being completely unhappy in a relationship is OK? No, I do not. Two years is a long time to be miserable.

What do you think? Should Scarlett and Ryan have tried harder to make it work?

PHOTOS: Robert Pattinson Smolders In His New Movie ‘Bel Ami!’ See The Sexy New Pics!

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This Just In: The Best Songs For Kissing Under the Mistletoe, According to Pandora Users Love Sex 0

By Erin Meanley, Glamour magazine

Given that right now on Pandora, 1 in 6 radio stations created play holiday music, Pandora decided to survey some of its users about the season’s best songs. Let’s see if you agree with the survey results (after the jump!).

What song would you most like to hear while being kissed under Mistletoe?

All I Want for Christmas is You - 45%
Santa Baby - 35%
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - 11%
A Holly Jolly Christmas - 9%

Related: The Best DOs and DON’Ts of the Year

What holiday song are you most likely to sing along to?

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas - 39%
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - 25%
Silver Bells - 20%
Hells Bells by AC/DC - 11%
Frosty the Snowman - 5%

What song is most likely to make you book tickets home for Christmas?

I'll Be Home for Christmas - 65%
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year - 22%
Orinoco Flow (Enya) - 8%
Wonderful Christmastime - 5%

Related: Affordable Holiday Gifts: 39 Gift Ideas for Everyone on Your List (All $30!)

What song would send you running out of the mall the quickest?

All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth - 42%
Anything sung by a Chipmunk - 40%
Anything sung by a Muppet - 18%

Now let’s take a survey of our own! Copy the Qs below and paste them next to your answers in the comment section. Tell us the best holiday songs for…

Kissing under the mistletoe:
Singing along to:
Making you book a ticket home:
Exiting the mall the quickest:

More from Glamour:

Get Your Guy to Break His Bad Habits Love Sex 0

By Denise Schipani

We know the drill: You have a man you love, but he could use a little…improvement in a few areas. Maybe he’s a slob at home, or gets you head-scratching gifts for your birthday (a leaf blower? Really?). Maybe the whole leaving-the-toilet-seat-up thing wasn’t an issue when you were dating, but now it’s just a pain in the butt (literally). Before setting out on a man-repair spree, remember that if you resort to nagging, insults and put-downs, it won’t work. “Most men respond very well to a logically presented argument for why they should change something that bugs you,” says Shelli Stutz, founder of ManFixer. With that in mind, check out our non-nagging strategies for eight of his most annoying—yet fixable—habits.

Bad Habit #1: Leaving the Toilet Seat Up

This is one of those perennial man-woman jokes, the stuff of many sitcom side plots. But it’s not so funny when you’re the gal with the wet tush in the middle of the night. Sometimes, it’s not just about the toilet: “If there are other problems in the relationship, the fact that he leaves the seat up feels like much more of an affront,” says relationship educator Roland Hinds, author of Are You the Right One for Me?

Solution: First, let him know that you find it bothersome to always have to check to see if you’re about to make more of a splash than you intended. Second, “turn it into a compromise,” advises Hinds. “Suggest that the toilet be kept fully closed between uses—neither in the seat-up ‘man’ position or the seat-down ‘woman’ position.” That way, you both have to do a little work. Photo: Thinkstock

Bad Habit #2: Same Old Date Nights

He pursued you, wooed you, bought you flowers and squired you to the hottest of hot spots. Then he “won” you, and every Friday night is spent at the neighborhood diner with, maybe, a nice restaurant thrown in on your birthday. What happened to those romantic dates? The old taking-for-granted habit is one many men are, unbeknownst to them, guilty of.

Solution: Get creative! “Send him an email link when you see a concert or play you’d like to go to,” says Hinds. Stick a newspaper clipping on his nightstand. Men want to know specifically what you want. Photo: Shutterstock

Bad Habit #3: Not Picking Up After Himself

It’s been years of you scooping up his dirty socks and clearing away half-read newspapers and empty coffee mugs from around the house, and you just can’t take it anymore.

Solution: First, says Stutz, “figure out what your part in it is: Has he always been this way, and you’ve always picked up, and only now are getting annoyed?” Then, tell him how you feel about being the perpetual housekeeper, and what you would like him to do to change the situation. It sounds simple, but it’s true: Men often don’t do what you haven’t asked them to do! Try: “It makes me angry and upset that I’m constantly the one who puts the clothes away. What would help is if you put your clean laundry in the closet and the dirty stuff in the hamper.” Be sure to stress how good that would make you feel, and be extra-appreciative when he does make an effort. Photo: Mark Weiss / Getty Images

Bad Habit #4: Addicted to His Smartphone

We all have multiple distractions during what used to be relatively sacrosanct couple/family time—and most of us are guilty of at least a little email-checking and call-taking when it’s not strictly necessary. The problem comes when you’re in a relationship with a man who can’t put down the Blackberry, even when he clearly should be paying attention to you.

Solution: Let him know, to start with, that you don’t enjoy seeing the top of his head as he bends over a tiny screen; you much prefer the sight of his face gazing at yours. Once he knows that his behavior is leaving you out in the cold, brainstorm ways you can put the habit in perspective. Assure him you’re not going to hide the charger or yell at him, “but set expectations and boundaries,” says Hinds, “such as no texts or calls during the dinner hour.” Photo: Jupiterimages

Learn about the negative impact technology may be having on his -and your- health.

Bad Habit #5: He Doesn’t Listen

This is a common complaint, says Stutz, in part because women think they’re being clear about what they want—to be heard, to be able to share emotions—but they’re often not. So yes, your man may have a bad habit of not tuning in when you talk, but to be fair to him, he may simply not know how he’s supposed to react.

Solution: “Remember that when a man loves you, he is willing to do almost anything to make you happy,” says Stutz. So make sure you‘re very clear about what you need, whether it’s a sounding board, an opinion or a “You go, girl!” Photo: Comstock Images

Bad Habit #6: He Gives Thoughtless Gifts

Gifts are in the eye of the receiver: Some women love elaborate handmade stuff; others just want something sparkly. Some are thrilled with the meeting of a practical need (snow tires, for example), while others are after the well-researched “perfect” gift. The bad habit of getting the wrong gift for you stems from the fact that most men don’t have the same emotional connection to the meaning of gifts as women do.

Solution: “Tell him about a time that an old boyfriend got it wrong, and use that as a springboard for letting him know what kind of gift you prefer,” says Stutz, who tells the story about her college boyfriend spending an ungodly amount on a car stereo system, “when all I wanted was a pretty bag or pair of shoes!” Photo: iStockphoto

Bad Habit #7: He Watches Too Many Sports Events on TV

Most likely, a man who loves his favorite team (or teams!) now probably loved them when you two first met. The difference is that you have more stuff going on—a house, children, two families, friends, etc.—that make his addiction to TV sporting events and games irksome.

Solution: Let him know—as calmly and unemotionally as you can—that the hours he spends with his butt on the couch are making you feel lonely or upset. Then offer a solution: “Ask him what sport or team he can’t live without,” suggests Hinds. That way he can always watch every Yankee game or Cowboys game, but the others are subject to the family’s schedule. Another thought: “See if you can get him, or your whole family, involved in a real sport,” says Hinds. (Was he glued to the World Cup? Maybe he’d like to teach the kids how to score some soccer goals in the backyard.) Photo: iStockphoto

Bad Habit #8: Disregard for His Appearance

Fact is, plenty of men don’t care or notice that their shirts and pants don’t exactly match, or aren’t exactly, you know, clean.

Solution: Luckily, most men are quite happy to be helped along, especially if they know that looking sharp makes you happy. Rather than wrinkle your nose at his fashion choices, steer him back to the closet and suggest an alternative. “Then tell him how wonderful/sharp/sexy he looks,” says Stutz. Photo: Jupiterimages

Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.

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Related: relationship tips, marriage tips

Lack Of College Degree Could Spell Doom For Marriage Love Sex 0

The National Marriage Project has released a new state of unions report indicating that marriages are more stable among Americans who have a four-year college degree or more.

According to the latest national data, "Middle Americans," defined as the 58 percent of Americans with a high school education but no college degree, have a lower marriage success rate than their affluent counterparts. In fact, the rate of divorce, non-marital childbearing and marital quality among Middle Americans has grown to resemble that of the poor. Unlike in previous years, highly educated, wealthy Americans are actually embracing a pro-marriage mindset, while lower classes are moving away from it.

Researchers at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute of American Values are researching trends contributing to the reversal. These include increased unemployment, a slump in religious attendance and changing attitudes toward marriage. Although highly educated Americans are more likely to support progressive social issues, it looks like they're reverting to a more traditional view on family life. A few points worth noting:

• Faith and a traditional "marriage mindset" now play a more pronounced role in the marriages of highly educated Americans. Historically, higher classes were less likely to attend church and adhere to a "marriage mindset." The latest data shows, however, that 34 percent of highly educated Americans attend church services on at least a weekly basis, compared to 28 percent of Middle Americans. Moreover, more teenagers from highly educated families are more likely to feel embarrassed over an out-of-wedlock pregnancy than their counterparts from moderately educated homes. How Did Marriage Become Religious?
• The out-of-wedlock birthrate is significantly higher among moderately educated Americans than highly educated ones. A whopping 54 percent of Middle American mothers report an out-of-wedlock child, as opposed to only 6 percent of highly educated moms. Compare this to the '80s, where the number was 33 percent for least-educated mothers and 13 percent for moderately educated ones.
• The divorce rate among Middle Americans is increasing. Meanwhile, dissolution between highly educated spouses within the first 10 years of marriage has gone down over the past couple of decades.

Although it's too early to present a solution for the lowered marital quality rate for Middle Americans, sociologists are entreating people to care even when they don't fall into that demographic. W. Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist from the University of Virginia, recalled the trickle-down effect of marital quality on the success of that couple's children.

Basically, the more educated you are, the more likely it is that your marriage will succeed, giving your children an edge with academic and career success, as well as an advantage in securing stable marriages themselves. Unless the quality of marriages among Middle Americans improves, Wilcox says, children from those families will struggle harder to experience upward mobility. Is Marriage Obsolete?

"The retreat from marriage in Middle America means that all too many Americans will not be able to realize the American dream," he said in the National Marriage Project's latest press release.

What does this information mean to you? Do you think the quality of your parents' marriage plays a big role in how your own relationships and success played out?

Ex-Husbands With Benefits: A Bad Idea? Love Sex 0

candy bars in bed

Dear Dating Mom:

Can I start dating while still sleeping with my ex-husband?

We can't stand each other but we love sleeping together. Of course now that the divorce is final, I really want to get back out on the dating scene and start meeting new men. Do I need to permanently boot my booty call before meeting new guys or can I keep my little sugar on the side?

Signed,

Screwed Him More Than My Lawyer

Dear Screwed Him More Than My Lawyer:

Things I could imagine myself doing before I would ever sleep with my ex husband:

1. Give myself a root canal

2. Move back in with my parents.

3. Pick up my dog’s poop using nothing but my bare hands.

Which leads me to wonder, how good is your ex in the sack that you would actually want to continue having relations with him even though you say you can’t stand each other or, better yet, what the hell kind of technique are you using on this guy and do you give classes?

More from The Stir: Walmart's Toy Aisle & Other Popular Places to Masturbate

You see, for me, when I have sex with someone, I’m not just sleeping with their body, I’m also sleeping with their mind, and in the case of my marriage, their mother and a raging case of narcissism, neither of which was particularly sexy to me.

That being said, I know you like having your sugar, and if your version of that was a 3 Musketeer bar or a Kit Kat, I’d say “keep on, keeping on.” But he’s not, so I’m not.

As far as dating, to me it's a lot like a job search. It's always easier to find a job when you already have a job, but the key word here is “having” a job, “not “giving” one, if you get my gist, so you might want to keep that in mind when you get back out there, which I warn you, is a minefield filled with men:

1. Who think they want a long-term relationship and they do ... with your vagina

2. Whose idea of a great first date is to ask you what you want to do and every time you say anything they respond with a “really?” so dripping with sarcasm you can hear their eyes rolling through the phone.

Also, you didn’t state what your long term goals are. Remarriage and kids? A monogamous relationship? Or someone who is not only as talented in the sex department as your ex seems to be but needs to special order his condoms from Bob’s Big, Tall, and Very Long shop.

More from The Stir: 16 Things We'd Never Do in Bed Again!

Whichever it is, I would probably venture to guess that most guys wouldn’t be interested in knowing that you do anything more with your ex than share a past, so when and if you go on a first date, try to avoid saying things like, "So there I was licking my ex's penis ... " or "My ex did that once and it was amazing!"

Also, I have to wonder if perhaps you and your husband are really ready to separate at all. Have you told him you wanted to start dating? If so, what was his reaction? Did he nod and ask you to please pass the parmesan cheese or did he look a bit miffed or maybe a bit hurt by the idea?

Seems to me that, at the end of the day, no sex can be good enough to keep two people in the same room, never mind the same bed, if they truly cannot stand each other. Perhaps the divorce is final but is the relationship? Really?

Are you a single mom with a question about dating/sex/love? Or do you just want to try to trip Jessica up? Leave her a question in comments or you can write to her directly at bernzee@mac.com.

Written by Jessica Bern or CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

Just what he wants? We’ve got the gifts. Love Sex 0

He’s a jolly good fellow, a true gentleman, a man for all seasons and more, all rolled into one. Celebrate your favorite guy with clever, original gifts for him. Whether you are looking for Gift Ideas for Dad, Gift Ideas For Boyfriend or B Day Gifts For Him, there’s nothing cliché about these great gift ideas.

Brooklyn Brew Shop Beer Brewing Kit

Brooklyn Brew Shop – Beer Brewing Kit

Be the brewmaster. It’s an easily mastered art and you’ll be experiencing the taste of home brewed beer in about five weeks. Cheers! Buy Brooklyn Brew Shops Beer Brewing kits here.

EARTHTEC Recycled Clothing

EARTHTEC – Recycled Clothing & Outerwear made from recycled bottles

Discarded plastic bottles are recycled into durable fabric, and comfortable hoodies are born. Recycled clothing is a growing trend and this line of outerwear is a trendsetter from its style to its production. Frog-certified! Buy Earth Tec hoodie jackets and recycled clothing here.

Pistil Modern Knit Accessories

Pistil – Modern Knit Accessories

Pistil hats handsomely reinvent the traditional twill ball cap. They’re warm, when the weather isn’t. Buy fashionable fall caps for women and men here.

Hideo Wakamatsu Feather Weight Carry-on Luggage

Hideo Wakamatsu – Feather Weight Carry-on Luggage

A great bag can be the difference between a relaxing trip and an arm-wrenching one. If lightweight and stylish is on your travel agenda, this Grommet’s for you. Buy Hideo Wakamatsu’s lightweight carry on luggage here.

Jon Wye Graphic Leather Belts

Jon Wye – Graphic Leather Belts

Graphic leather belts from indie designer Jon Wye tell a story. The designs are laid out horizontally, and each belt is custom made to fit the wearer. Buy Jon Wye graphically cool belts here.

PACT Underwear for Change

PACT – Underwear for Change

PACT underwear is designed to be earth-friendly from start to finish. A portion of every sale supports social and environmental causes. Buy PACT organic cotton underwear for men here.

Rickshaw Bagworks messenger Bags

Rickshaw Bagworks – “Zero” Messenger Bags

There’s room for everything in these innovative messenger bags, except waste. All fabric scraps get used in the bags, so nothing gets tossed. Buy Rickshaw Bagwork’s nylon messenger bags here.

Fish Aye Fish Rubbing Prints & Placemats

Fish Aye Trading – Fish Rubbing Prints & Placemats

Exquisite fish rubbings capture the details of each specimen and express the artistry of Cape Cod fish-lover John Doherty. Buy Fish Aye Trading’s fish placemats and prints here.

Alite Monarch Two-Legged Camp Chair

Alite Monarch Chair – Two-Legged Camp Chair

Camping is just the beginning with this comfy two-legged chair that rocks and folds up super small, providing the perfect seat no matter what the venue. Buy the portable, lightweight Monarch chair here.
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Mr. Jones Cyclops and Cyclops SE watches

Mr Jones Watches – Cyclops and Cyclops SE

The Cyclops wristwatch can be read with a relaxed kind of accuracy that brings a welcome balance to our hectic lives. Buy the Mr Jones Cyclops watch here.

Trek Light Gear Portable Hammocks

Trek Light Gear – Portable Hammocks

The super-strong, lightweight Trek Light hammock is designed for portability, so you can take it camping, hiking or stargazing in a friend’s backyard. Buy Trek Light Gear’s camping and backpacking hammocks here.

Black + Blum Miss Moneypenny

black + blum – Miss Moneypenny

Get your stuff together with the Miss Moneypenny catchall bowl. Sleek and sophisticated, it’s the perfect assistant. Buy the Miss Moneypenny loose change bowl here.

Leather Head Sports Collectible Sports Balls and Accessories

Leather Head Sports – Collectible Sports Balls and Accessories

Handmade baseballs and footballs are cool and old-school, and the leather ages like a favorite glove. Stickball or pickup football, anyone? Buy LemonBall vintage style leather footballs and baseballs here.

Pacific Shaving All Natural Shaving Products

Pacific Shaving – All Natural Shaving Products

Save your skin with all-natural shaving products. The shaving oil prevents irritation, blade oil preserves your razor, and the nick stick takes care of any cuts. Buy Pacific Shaving natural shaving oil here.

Josh Bach Baseball Theme Neckties

Josh Bach – Baseball Theme Neckties

These 100% silk ties help your favorite baseball fan root, root, root in a subtle, elegant way. Buy Josh Bach baseball theme neckties here.

Find more unique gift ideas for men here.